Patience

Patience.

Over the last three years...I have literally grown to hate that word.  

As many of you know, Tim started applying to medical school three years ago.  

Let me take you back just a few years to our cute little ward in Murray.  

We LOVED that ward.  They became our family, and I don't know that we have loved any other ward that we lived in quite as much as we loved it there.

One Fast Sunday, one of our friends in the ward got up to bear his testimony.  He told of his desire to become a doctor.  He then told of his experience of applying to medical school, and how difficult it had been for him.  He was in his third year of applying.  He wanted to be a doctor more than anything else in the world...and he wasn't sure why Heavenly Father was giving him this trial.

At the time, Tim and I looked at each other and said, "we really, really hope that this isn't a sign that we're going to go through the same experience".  Almost six years later...it turns out...it was.

The first year that Tim didn't get in...it sucked.  But, it was okay.  He started to improve his application by doing more volunteering, putting in more patient exposure hours, participating in research projects, and he retook the MCAT.  

The second year he didn't get in...it really sucked.  But, it was okay.  Tim worked hard again improving his application.  Spending hours at a few local free clinics, shadowing doctors, volunteering at a local elementary school and Alzheimer care center.  

We applied to 36 schools this year.  

He received secondary requests from 32.

He had three interviews.  

That's it.  

Three.  

For three years, I had prayed to Heavenly Father that He would allow us to stay in Utah.  Our desire was righteous.  I could find no selfish reason for wanting to stay here, close to family and friends.  

When Tim got a rejection from the University of Utah, I completely shut off.  I became extremely bitter.  I could not understand why Heavenly Father would not answer this prayer.  I was so angry, and I could feel that it was affecting everything in my life.    

When Tim received an interview in Tennessee, it was a relief.  He had only had an interview at the U, and we had no other prospects.  So, knowing that there was another option was comforting.  However...a week later he received an interview request for a school in Washington.  In my mind Washington was a WAY better option than Tennessee.  People would actually want to come and visit us in Washington.  Washington was only 12 hours away compared to the 27 hour drive to Tennessee.  

Deep down, I knew that Tim wasn't going to be accepted in Washington.  Which made me more angry.  I did NOT want to go to Tennessee.  That was MY last choice.  

A few weeks ago, when Tim received a rejection from Washington, we were both super discouraged.  I called Tim's brother Brig and asked him to give Tim a priesthood blessing.  My father also gave him a blessing later that night.  Then, as we were about to go to bed, I asked Tim if he could give me one as well.  

I am so grateful for the priesthood.  I am so grateful that I am married to a man who honors the priesthood he holds and will give me a blessing anytime I ask.  I remember everything from that blessing...but the thing that stuck out the most to me was the phrase,"Heavenly Father knows that you are struggling with being patient.  But, He is pleading with you to be patient for just a little while longer".

Throughout the last six months, I have been filled with feelings of stress, nervousness, anger, resentment, disappointment, and I have cried.  A lot.  

After Tim's interview in Tennessee, he came home with a renewed excitement.  He absolutely loved it there.  I was still on the fence.  After all, Tennessee did NOT fit into my plans.  It was so far away from family.  It was so far away from friends.  It was so far away from anything that I knew and loved.  

I knew how much Tim wanted this.  I don't think that there is anyone on this planet who wants to be a doctor more than Tim.  He has worked so hard and sacrificed so much in order for this to become a reality.  I knew that I needed to change my attitude.  But sometimes that is harder than you think. 

I began to ask Heavenly Father for what he wanted for us instead of telling him what I wanted for myself and holding feelings of anger in my heart.  The anger that I was feeling was making it impossible for me to even feel a closeness to my Heavenly Father.  When I began to let go of that, I noticed a difference almost immediately.  

About a week ago, I woke up with a feeling of complete peace.  A feeling that I had completely forgotten what it felt like.  I had absolutely no worry.  I felt comfort.  I was completely certain that no matter what happened, our family was being taken care of.  Heavenly Father was aware of us, and it would all work out.

For three years, I have been telling people, "I have faith that Heavenly Father will put us where He wants us when He wants us there".  I can now say that when I said those words before, I never meant them.  I only said them because that was what you said when you experienced disappointment.  

 A week ago, I said those exact words again, and meant them for the first time in my entire life.  The same day, I read a quote by a general authority about how our plan is never as great as the plan that Heavenly Father has for us.  What He has in store for our futures will always be better than anything we could ever plan for ourselves.  

Two days later, Tim received an acceptance to the school in Tennessee.  

I have no doubt that the reason that Tim did not receive an acceptance to any other schools, nor was he wait-listed was because Heavenly Father only had one option for us...and that was to be in Tennessee.  He did not want to risk us making the wrong choice, or waiting for a better option.  His timing is perfect.  His plan is perfect.  That in no way means that it is easy.  But, it does mean that He will take care of us.  We will be watched over, and we will be cared for.  

In twelve weeks, we will be moving 2,000 miles away from everything.  I cry every time I think about everything that we are going to be leaving behind.  I know that it is going to be hard.  But I also know without a doubt that it is right.

  We will be moving to the little town of Harrogate, Tennessee.  It is 7 square miles.  

There isn't even a Target.  

But, I will have my husband.  I will have my Emmy and my Jack.  

And it isn't forever.  

Just four years.  

Which at the present moment seems like a very long time.  

But I'm sure when we leave, we'll look back and think that it really wasn't that long after all.

Oh, and visitors are always welcome.

I promise I'll cook your favorite meal :)