Tender Mercies

Last year, at this time, I was going through one of the darkest moments of my life.  I had lost myself in the anger that I had allowed to consume me, and my faith was all but gone.

The worst part of everything was how I felt about my Heavenly Father.

I felt alone...as though He had forgotten me.

Because of a priesthood blessing, given to me by my husband...I was finally able to feel the smallest amount of hope that was just enough to help dig me out of the dark pit I had placed myself in.  

As I think of that period in my life, my heart hurts.  I cannot believe I allowed myself to let Satan into my life enough to convince me that I was not of worth. That my Heavenly Father did not care about me...and worse, that I was not worthy to feel of that love.

I know that I am a daughter of God.  I know that He knows me, and He loves me...and that He is very aware of my struggles.  Over the last year, I have tried hard to recognize moments that occur during my day that are tender mercies from my Heavenly Father.  Those moments, even though some may seem small and insignificant, have strengthened my testimony.  To me, it in further confirmation of my Heavenly Fathers love for me, and for my family.

There was a talk given by Elder Bednar in the April 2005 General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints titled The Tender Mercies of The Lord.

It is a beautiful talk.  If you'd like to read it, you can find it here.

I'm going to start writing about moments in my life where I have experienced a tender mercy.  I feel that almost on a daily basis, I will look at Tim and tell him something that happened during my day that I know was a tender mercy from Heavenly Father.  I want to remember those moments, however small they may seem.

Earlier this week, I got together with a bunch of the student wives I have been privileged to meet since we moved here.  There are so many amazing women that I have been able to add to my list of friends, and I am so grateful for them.  Living almost 2,000 away from my family is hard.  But these ladies, and their husbands and children have become our family.  

Anyway, we got together to watch The Bachelor.  Silly, I know...but so much fun :).  We were meeting at a house that I had not been to yet, so I plugged the address into the navigation on my phone, kissed Tim and the kids goodbye and headed out for an evening of laughter and fun.  It was dark, and it was raining.  They don't use street lamps in most of the areas where we live, so driving on some of the roads can be difficult due to how dark it is.  The rain only made it worse.  As I reached my destination, I noticed that the house was placed a bit further back from the road, and there was a long narrow driveway leading up to the front porch.  I slowed down and made my turn, not taking into account the narrowness of the driveway, and drove the front of my car right off the edge of the road.  No problem right?  By when I put my car into reverse, and not being successful at my attempts to back up, I realized that the edge of the road where my car had driven off was extremely steep, and I wouldn't be able to get my car back up and onto the road without help.  Panicking, I got back into my car, and tried to think of a way to get myself and my car back to safety.  While steep, I figured that I could slowly drive the rest of the way off the side of the road, and then maneuver my car just enough to reach the neighbors driveway and head back up to the road.  So slowly, I let go of the brake, only to hear terrible crunching coming from underneath my car, and then panicked again as my car would not stop sliding due to the rain and mud, and almost went right into a retention ditch directly in front of me.  

In tears and shaking, I didn't know what to do.  I was worried if I attempted anything else, I would surely drive right into the ditch or do more damage to my car.  Literally, seconds later, I heard a small knock on my window and looked up to see one of the members of our ward, who is also a student and studies in a group with Tim at school, standing outside.  He asked me if I was okay, and then he asked me if I would let him drive my car safely back onto the road.  He and his wife just happened to be driving by at the exact moment I needed help.  I know Heavenly Father timed it that way.  I know that it was another tender mercy from Him confirming in my heart that I matter.  That He knows.  That He hears.  That He loves me.

I know that everyone experiences those tender mercies, and I am grateful that I have become more aware of the ones given to me in my life over the last year.  It has only made things easier, and more meaningful, even on difficult days when I'm not sure I can handle anymore.  It's those days that He sends the small ones...quietly reminding me that I can do hard things. Especially when I put my trust and faith in Him.